leave this sad place

Chapter 174 Firmness
The evening wind is desolate, sobbing like crying.A wandering soul swaying on the street corner, lost in the endless dusk.Where is the way?Where is the home?If the soul has no place to live, it will be a wanderer wherever it goes.

A little lonely, a little tired, a little heavy to go back, silent and don't want to say any more words.She didn't bother him as if she had noticed something, and quietly prepared a meal for him without asking any questions.

Maybe what he needs at this time is just a quiet time; maybe what he wants at this time is just a silent condolence.But she can only give him the former.

Indifferent?lonely?All the pain can only be experienced silently?Day by day, day by day is dignified. "Perhaps I should really leave." He muttered to himself again, but what he thought and thought in the past few days of silence was just such a simple question.

He said to her calmly again: "I really don't want to study anymore, I really don't want to go back to that place again!" With some hurt eyes and some firmness, this time he clearly knew what his determination was. how big!

"Don't want to read it anymore? Why? Didn't you promise well last time?" With the last experience, she was obviously much calmer than last time.Maybe this time it was caused by his wild imagination again, she secretly guessed.

Yes, I agreed last time, but how unwilling I was last time, and how cruel the reality is, this is not what I want at all!Ouyang gritted his teeth and hesitated to speak, no matter how unwilling he was, he agreed after all.But I really really want to stop doing this!

"Why? Why do you want to think like this again this time?" She asked him, her voice didn't give him much kindness, but a slight sense of distance.

"Why! Do you think it's interesting to go on like this?" Ouyang's voice carried a feeling of hatred, as if he hated everything around him to the core.

"Reading is boring? Then what do you say is interesting?" Her voice was full of anger.Ask him to study hard, but he is so ignorant, saying such stupid things again and again.

"Isn't it interesting to go out and write your novel?" She asked him again.

"I don't know." With a cold sentence, he didn't want to tell her that novels are actually much more important than so-called learning in his heart.When he was suffering, at least novels could give him virtual comfort, while school only made him feel endless loneliness and depression.

"I don't know, then let me ask you if everything you do must be interesting?"

If everything you do in life has to be interesting, then living rationally must be lacking in fun.Ouyang was silent, not because he didn't know the answer, but because he didn't want to answer her.

"Then is it interesting for me to come back? Then I come back to take care of you, I want you to study hard, but you are like this—"

"Decadent, depraved?"

"Yes, is this interesting?"

Interesting?Ouyang's heart was full of bitterness. If she hadn't come back at all, maybe he wouldn't have such a great pressure in his heart.But how could he say such words?
"It's boring, it's not interesting at all." Ouyang's voice was full of loneliness and pain.One drink and one peck, one cause and one effect, what you create will eventually have to be borne by yourself.

"Then—then what exactly do you want me to do to be interesting?" There was a kind of pain in her voice, was it a mistake to come back by herself?

"It doesn't matter what you do." Ouyang shook his head slightly, and said in a faint voice: "As long as I don't study."

"Stop reading, have you ever stood in my position and thought about it for me?" Her voice became a little hoarse, as if she had touched something sad.

"I thought about it for you?" Ouyang said inexplicably, but there was an indescribably weird feeling in his voice, a taste that wanted to make people cry.

"Yeah, have you thought about it for me?" Her voice became lower, as if she couldn't speak anymore.

"Are you me? Have you known me? How do you know that I haven't thought about you?" He said in a miserable way, with inexplicable sadness on his face.

As if she forgot to speak, and as if she didn't know what to say at all, she kept silent and didn't look at him.

"Are you trying to say that I haven't thought about you—you not only have to take care of me but also provide for the grandparents of the family? Are you trying to say that I haven't thought about you—a good family is torn apart like this? You should To whom to complain? Do you want to say that I didn't think about you - what did you work so hard for most of your life in the end? Do you want to say that I didn't think about you at all and didn't know The pain in your heart. Sometimes you can't even fall asleep when you think about it, but I can't notice it!" After a slight pause, Ouyang continued: "Do you still want to say-you are bitter, you are tired , as a woman, you have already endured enough. And you are willing to bear all of this, as long as I can study hard, I only hope that I can live a better life in the future. "

"Is that so?" With a flat voice, he didn't know when he regained his calm.

"I hope you can understand." It seemed that there were still a lot of things to say, but after hesitating for a while, he only said this sentence.

"Do you understand? Do I understand? Or do you want to understand?" Ouyang said inexplicably, some things he said were too vague, as long as he could understand some things, why should he care about other people's opinions?
"Understand what?"

"You know? I don't want to study anymore, not only because I hate the whole school - I don't like the teachers, classmates, and even some rules and regulations; not only because my grades are getting worse and worse, this time I even got two consecutive exams. The main line has not been reached." Ouyang's eyes flashed with deep pain, and he continued: "There are various factors."

After listening to him finish speaking quietly, she still couldn't help persuading him: "Could it be that you can't hold on to this last semester?"

"Persevere?" Ouyang read aloud softly, and then continued: "Is it interesting? So what if it goes on like this?"

"What about the university?"

"University, do you know if it's the end or the beginning? Do you know that it's going from one vortex to another?" Ouyang's words became even more ethereal. He really didn't feel any direction for the road of studying. I don't know where the road under my feet is.And if it continues like this, it doesn't have much connection or help for his ideals.

"I don't care about you so much, anyway, I just want you to study hard. And it's not like you can't read, nor can you just not read like others."

"Really? Then do I still have to thank myself for my hard work over the years, not letting myself go to waste, and giving me the opportunity to study?" Ouyang couldn't help but sneered, but he couldn't help feeling a little hurt in his heart .How many parents see their children as the continuation of their own hopes, and then force them to fulfill their own unfulfilled dreams?

Such a sad world, such a sad family!You think it's for their own good, but have you ever asked them if they are willing to become like that?

And Ouyang is feeling like this now, and he is not sure how much she really loves him!Even whether she is in love with him or not has become a little blurred, making it impossible for him to tell the difference.

"At least you have to finish this high school." She gritted her teeth and insisted.

What kind of trick is this? Do you let yourself go to college after you finish high school?Ouyang couldn't help showing a sad look in his eyes.

"What if I don't?" He was firm again, cold and heartbroken.

(End of this chapter)