Honkai Impact 3rd, a simulator of lifelong regret!

……

Today marks the first month of my spying on Jiangcheng, and I'm finding it hard to accept this situation, and I'm finding it hard to accept life in Jiangcheng.

She was such a gentle person, so willing to be tolerant and kind with her smile, yet she squandered it so recklessly. I could only pretend not to know, and I couldn't even say it out loud when we were chatting.

——Why?

Why can I only chat through a cold screen? Why can't I even get close enough to smell the scent of Jiangcheng or touch its skin?

I know I'm just a bat hiding in a dark corner, too afraid to even speak. I'm the least worthy and least qualified person to say these words.

I can only catch a few scraps from Alicia's fingertips when we chat every day.

But she clearly had so many whys... why didn't she care?

There are pictures here, which can be viewed after the updated version

……

I feel just like a mouse.

Spying on other people's lives from a corner every day.

Those who have friends, partners, love, care, and comfort, and can openly enjoy life in the sunlight.

That's what life is all about, isn't it? People like them deserve to be cherished. As for someone like me, I wouldn't care even if I died the next second.

Anyway, I have no sense of reality in my life anymore. I have no dreams, no goals. Living is just existing. I spend my days eating and waiting to die.

However, before I die, I should reply to Jiang Cheng's message. If I make him wait unnecessarily, then I will have made a huge mistake.

It's already a favor that someone like him is willing to chat with me, yet I still make him wait, even if it's just for a second.

If that really happens, even if I were to be executed immediately, it wouldn't be enough to atone for it.

-

what……

How pathetic...

I feel satisfied with just that; I can smile happily just by picking up a crumb of a cookie that someone accidentally dropped; and I can be moved by just a single sentence.

Did I ever feel the same way that Alicia was looked at, that she was gazed upon, and that I was constantly missed?

Why……

But I know nothing about it?

Compared to that, even suddenly discovering that one's past was being spied on by a very insecure person doesn't seem like a big deal.

Deceived by Alicia, and her continued unrepentant behavior even at the second birthday party, all her thoughts were overshadowed by more important matters.

Perhaps humans are indeed extremely hypocritical creatures.

Preconceived notions are too strong.

If what we saw at the beginning wasn't the detailed psychology of the girl recorded in the diary, or the humble and yearning posture etched in the delicate strokes of the pen, but merely the knowledge that someone had spied on us like a thief.

I'm afraid that no matter what I see next, my first reaction will be that it was written by a voyeur, rather than the complex thoughts of a young girl.

Once you've labeled someone as a voyeur with preconceived notions, you can no longer accept the facts as a bystander.

Well……

Is spying technology really that advanced?

It was just something made on the spot, but it was enough to fool Alicia's eyes, allowing her to spy on her at any time without being discovered by anyone.

That elfin-like girl was, in the truest sense, born into this world with authority surpassing that of the Herrschers. As the goddess of the stars and moon, she was a fairy who fell from the kingdom of the celestial moon into the cruel human world.

Even if one's self-awareness of one's abilities was not rigorous enough in the past, this position, which is fundamentally different from that of ordinary people, is not something that ordinary people can achieve.

Even if Jiang Cheng does not use any of his authority.

Even if one intentionally suppresses their power.

Even when facing the most elite 100,000 soldiers, or the entire defensive force of any top-tier nation, they can remain unscathed under the bombardment of unlimited logistics, and knock everyone unconscious without harming anyone.

The gap between Herrschers and humans is so insurmountable that humans can only slightly approach it by transforming themselves into Fusion Warriors.

He was just an ordinary, normal Herrscher, no different from anyone else who had ever appeared before, just as unremarkable as when he was an ordinary person.

At least in the boy's opinion, all normal Herrschers are like this.

What about the goddess who is above the Herrscher?

This absolute voyeurism is nothing short of miraculous, and it is even built upon the self-discipline of the unknown girl who wrote the diary.

—It is forbidden to give it as a gift.

—It is forbidden to make it into the shape of a pendant.

Despite having only met that unknown girl for the first time, the boy, who had lost a great deal of his memory after being resurrected, only learned of his existence in his life after obtaining the notebook.

Even though their existence was only known temporarily, their understanding of the girl's personality was limited to the delicate psychological details written in her diary.

They clearly had absolutely no knowledge of him, no understanding of him, and had only read a negligible portion of his diary.

Jiang Cheng, however, was inexplicably certain of all of this.

--Yes.

That's who she is.

A person who is insecure and cowardly, who denies everything they have and control, yet always shows an unattainable awareness at crucial moments, who likes to take detours, yet always ends up being the one who goes the furthest.

Despite this so-called remoteness, it is entirely based on excessive talent, because of that wisdom that is as unattainable as a curse.

Even with the addition of numerous elements, she could still easily create a machine capable of complete spying without being discovered by Ellie.

Who am I...?

How many important things have you forgotten?

……

do not know.

This is a question that cannot be answered at all.

More than thirty years have passed since the day he was born, and the man named Jiangcheng has lived on the earth for thirty days and months in a discontinuous manner.

A fault line was created in the middle due to death.

Such a gap could never be larger than one's entire life.

No matter how large it is, it can only occupy a maximum of ten years.

His close friend Möbius hadn't been making his mark on the world stage for very long, so surely he couldn't have formed a deep friendship with that top scholar when he was still a teenager?

That's far too strange. Even in Alicia's words, it sounds like a fairy tale, something that could never happen in reality.

My life, as Jiang Cheng has lived, has lasted for at least twenty years, and there should be at least twenty days and nights of memories and actions.

Unfortunately, the clearest memories I can find are limited to the year I was five years old; after that, they become blurry, fragmented, and difficult to piece together.

Even the most monotonous and boring person can't possibly not retain many memorable things over a decade or more.

It's not like I'm holed up in a small town, living a monotonous and uninteresting life. I'm traveling with Alicia, and while I wouldn't say we've traveled all over the world, we've at least covered most of the globe.

How could such a long journey and life not leave behind things that need to be remembered?

……

There are pictures here, which can be viewed after the updated version

There are pictures here, which can be viewed after the updated version

There are pictures here, which can be viewed after the updated version

There are pictures here, which can be viewed after the updated version

116. Velvi...I knew it! [Free]

Alicia...

Why did you become like this?

From indifference, disregard, and equal vigilance, to the current heaviness that seems more like the owner of the notebook than a description suggests.

Why must you control my memories? Why must you lie? Why do you love me so much... yet you won't let me remember the past?

—Let's read the book first.

Ellie.jpg

……

As an important supporting character in the diary, and even silently questioned by girls so weak and insecure about her own worth, Alicia has unknowingly become largely ignored.

[Perhaps you still want to separate the past Alicia from the present Alicia, ignoring the terrible things recorded in the notebook.]

I don't want to bring up past mistakes that have already been corrected and cause further harm to things that are now over.

[Refuse to let that preconceived notion, like that of a villain or the great demon dragon of the Demon King's castle, be deeply ingrained in your mind and memory.]

[A tiny, lingering desire remains—a desire to continue living quietly with Alicia after learning the whole truth—a desire that now seems like a joke.]

Even though you were there from the very beginning, possessing complete memories and feelings, you never harbored any resentment because of the girl's disregard.

[Now, you neither want nor are you willing to create entirely new preconceived notions that shatter the image of that girl in your memory.]

[You have never felt resentment towards Alicia; this is a response from your heart, not a result of erased memories causing you to forget everything.]

Since you've never harbored resentment before, and haven't disliked her even after experiencing it firsthand, why would you allow yourself to possibly resent that girl now?

[How to manage emotions...]

At least wait until you finish reading this diary.

We should not draw conclusions about a matter without having complete information.

You gently turned the page, your fingertips applying even the slightest pressure, as if afraid your hand might cause any harm or damage.

……