I'm not Doraemon, I'm just a salesman

Are you overwhelmed by life?Or do you want to kill everyone who makes you unhappy?
Do you want to change the world?Or do you want to be the one who destroys the world?Or do you want an exciting adventure with the protagonist in another world?
Yes, everything is OK!With my help, anything is possible!
Devil's Passport?Any door?Lie 800?Wortaum Reality Perimeter?Yes, we have it all and even more exciting stuff!
I hereby promise that I will never interfere with your use of any given props!I just need to watch your performance and share your joy through live broadcast and other methods.
I will be your best friend and the best first-party seller!I promise again that the things I give you may not necessarily directly solve your problems, but they will definitely make you no longer ordinary.
What?No, no, no, I am not your 22nd century child care robot, I am just a humble salesman pursuing charity.
Come on, please sign this contract.